Friends And Lovers

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 Listen to Friends and Lovers

Laying here on my bed this morning with my pen and paper in hand. I got to get it out because this feeling I’m feeling has been consuming me. You’re on my mind around the clock and I can’t take it anymore. I thought I knew what I was getting into the second time around. It was easier because you and I both were already involved with our significant others. It was silly of me to believe I could stop myself from loving you. I should have known better, this behavior is so not me. I can easily blame it on my messed up relationship at home. But that’s just an excuse I keep telling myself. It may have been the light that started this burning desire inside of me. I had a choice to not act on it.  I have never in my life been that girl, this girl. You know the cheating type, a hoe, whore, thot, oh here’s a good one a home wrecker.

Although  I never judged anyone that was about that life. I knew I would never put myself in that kind of situation. I knew, I would have the balls to end my relationship before jumping into the next one. Again, that wasn’t suppose to be our situation. I reached out to you hoping you’d respond. I knew you were involved and I showed both of you no respect. Most importantly I had no respect for myself and my relationship. I got comfortable with sharing my problems with you. I knew you were sincere in the advice you gave. As so was I about yours. But that wasn’t enough, I had to go a little further. I took a chance by telling you I was in bed one morning. You wanted to see and hell I was eager to show you. From that day on we’ve been talking and sexting until we had the opportunity to make it happen. 

I was scared shit, it had been so long since the last time I was in your arms. Boy, It felt so damn good. The sex was every bit of wonderful, you always aimed to please. I can’t stop replaying that night in my head. The things you did, the things I did. Only you can bring it out of me. After the first round I got up to get dress and you pulled me right back down and held me in your arms while you played in my hair. Something as small as that, our conversations, our first FaceTime. All started playing on my emotions. I didn’t want it to stop. He’ll as I’m writing this all down I still don’t. But you’re not mine, and I’m not yours. No I wasn’t looking for more, but I didn’t want it to end either. Our conversations were getting shorter and I wanted to know how you felt about us. That was never in the plan, feelings weren’t supposed to be involved.  My damn heart wouldn’t leave me be. Last night when I saw you wearing your ring I knew I had to let it go. Let you go. Something I should have done a while ago. Like I’ve said before you’ll always have a special place in my heart. I’m not sure what’s going to become of my friendship with my Sunkist but I need to step aside and let you be happy.